I hate Heroin

Heroin has been a huge part of my life for years and I hate it. No, I myself do not use the drug nor will I ever. I've seen friends and family suffer immensely because of it. It seems as if they would rather live miserably than go that 1 day without getting high. I've watched friends get clean just to get right back on it again. I've done all I can to be there for them, friends and family, but I am at the point that where I realized there is absolutely nothing left I can do. The user alone is the only person who has the power to make that decision to get better and to rid it from their lives. It takes a hell of a will power and strength that is unbeatable to get yourself off a drug like this. I used to stay up all night wondering if my friends/family member is okay, if they're still breathing, if they're in jail. I used to check on them at night to make sure they were still breathing in their sleep. I am at the point where I have no strength left. I am leaving it up to them and up to God. I only hope that they all realize their lives are more important than a temporary high, that there is so much life to experience sober. I know it feels shitty now but one day you'll look back and wish you never wasted these years. Only you can control what goes on in your life. You have so much more life to live. Please don't continue to waste it. I love you all.

The Avengers - Age of Ultron

So I went to see the new Avengers movie tonight and I just wanted to review my personal opinion with you all. I think it was awesome. There was so much action but not too much going on where I was still able to follow the story line. I've read a few comic books, but I can admit I do not know much about the comics themselves but listening to my friends talk about the movie in the car what I got from them was that the movie did the comic books great justice. I love Chris Hemsworth! Thor's always been one of my favorites and he plays the character so well. The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) is also an awesome actor and by the way the movie ends I hope he continues to play the Hulk in the rest of the Avenger Movies.

vesti.mk

That crazy wrap thing

I just signed up to become a distributor for It Works products. If you haven't heard of them basically what we do is sell products to help you rid your body of toxins and fats. The body wrap is the most popular product and you apply it to your skin in problem areas for 45 minutes and then remove it. The wraps contain all natural ingredients such as seaweed, menthol, rosemary, eucalyptus, and green tea, You begin to see results from the wrap immediately but the real results show after about 72 hours from application. We also offer products to take with the wraps such as greens and fat destroyers. These products are meant to be used/taken with a healthy diet and exercise. Do not expect to eat McDonalds every day and see real results.  Drink lots of water! I just tried my first body wrap last night and am waiting to post before and after pictures. I am waiting on my bundle of products to really try it out but I do believe they actually work. We have many happy customers who continue to purchase the products every month. If you are interested in learning more please comment or even add me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/tee.leighsant.



Here is a picture of me when I applied my first wrap.

To purchase go to www.tarynsant.myitworks.com! :) Happy wrapping!

I can see the light!

I got accepted for unemployment. I am no longer stressing myself to the point of exhaustion about paying my bills. Now I can use the help until I find another job. I did however get the papers in about my student loans. They want $300 a month from me. How do they expect me to do that? I have a car payment, car insurance, and on top of all that I am unemployed. I am trying to look into get it deferred or consolidated through someone. Life is utterly crazy to me. We go to school to get a good job, end up in debt for thousands of dollars, work to pay that debt off, and when that debt is paid we just have more debt piling up as we grow older.



Update: I found out I was only approved financially for unemployment. I still have to wait to be approved through the employer side. It's been a month. How do these people expect bills to get paid? I've been applying for jobs like crazy and I don't hear back from anyone.

Jamberry Love!

Jamberry offers nail wraps that go over your real finger. No dry time. No chips. No smudges. No more losing a nail! Each sheet will get you 2 manis and 2 pedis. There are over 300 designs, all of them totally cute by the way.


Interested in purchasing or becoming a consultant?


Visit www.jamminwithcrystal.com!

The Burden

I honestly feel like such a burden to everyone I know and love. Being someone who suffers from depression, I know myself that there's nothing I can do besides try and make a better life for myself and find that happiness that I seem to be missing. There's nothing I can do about how my depression affects the ones I love though and that kills me. I don't mean to be unhappy. I want to love and live and smile and just be generally happy for what I do have but everyday I am faced with what I don't and what I am missing as a person. This especially affects the relationship with my boyfriend. I don't want my unhappiness to rub off on him and today I confirmed that it really is. He is someone who is happy, someone I admire for not letting life bring him down...and I am bringing him down. I don't know what to do about it besides leave him and let him continue to be happy without the burden of me. I am a burden to myself and every one else and I truly don't want to be. But what to do about it? I am sitting here literally racking my brain for a reason as to why I am so deeply sad inside. The main thing that comes to mind is that I am not the person I want to be. I feel like I am failing myself. I have so many dreams, so many goals, and I feel that they are unreachable. No matter how hard I try I don't feel any closer to having the life I really want. I am not the type to give up. I will not let life drown me. I will get up and keep trying because honestly, I want to prevail. I don't want to be another victim.

Hey

I haven't posted anything for awhile. After I lost my job all I spend my time doing is looking for other jobs and have been so far unsuccessful. I am actually happy being a free spirit waiting for the next adventure that life will bring me.

I got fired

So, I got fired today. I was out for a few weeks due to medical reasons, mostly severe depression and anxiety caused by not having the right medications. I got an accommodation for the first week but my boss was unable to give me one for the second. I appreciate his efforts though. I am not sure how I am feeling about this whole being fired/jobless thing. It's only been a few hours and I feel lost in the world. How am I going to make my car payment? I am filing for unemployment but who knows how long that takes. I know I have a family who will support me and help me through this until I get back on my feet which I am extremely grateful for but I am still a little afraid. I was nervous having the money to pay bills, and now that I have bills and no income I am not sure what I am going to do! It's back in the world of fighting to find a job that pays enough to pay the bills. Even when I had my job I was always looking for work just in case this might happen. Well, it happened and here I am jobless without a clue. I know this is something that happens to so many people but it's just the first time it's happened to me and I am not sure how to react. I am trying to stay positive because maybe this could mean a new chapter in my life, a new job that's even better. I honestly just want to be happy and pay the bills.

Another 6:30 am

As I lay here trying so hard to find sleep and searching in all the wrong places, I sometimes feel like it's only me who has this issue. It's obvious that millions of people suffer from insomnia but mine feels like it's different, more severe. I try so hard to focus on nothing and stare at the blackness of my eyelids but thoughts just keep rolling in one after another. It's especially bad when I know I have to get up early for reasons only God himself knows. Sometimes I ask myself why do I care so much about these things to keep myself awake lying in the same spot for 6 hours? I even got to counting sheep which has never worked for me. Melotonin helps sometimes when I am having a good day. I can't stress enough how hard it is on my mind and body to not be able to find sleep when it's all I want. I want peace in my brain for just once. A day where I don't think of anything negative and sad, or overthink all the good things in my life and all the possible reasons they could go bad. 

Rachael and Jamie

So my beautiful cousin Rachael's wedding was in the beginning of January. It was the type of wedding every young girl dreams about when they are a kid, the cold being the only negative thing about the entire day. They held it at the Priory in Pittsburgh which is an absolutely beautiful place to say the least. There was a court yard that made me feel like I was transported from the hotel to a place I only imagine in fairy-tales. Rachael looked so beautiful. Her dress was basically perfect. It was as white as the snow outside and covered with sparkles and a bunch of other glittery things. (Which is a love of hers) She even wore the headdress that is worn by the eleven queen in Lord of the Rings. Being the nerd that I am I was of course obsessed with it.

Andrew Rush Photography. 09 Jan 2015. www.andrewrushweddings.com

I had to wear a dress, (blah) but I did actually feel kind of like a princess, and it was purple which is my favorite color so I was okay with it. I got my nails done for the very first time! Yes, I know it's kind of crazy for a 23 year old girl in 2015 to have never gotten her nails done before. I just never thought it was important but it's crazy what a difference it makes! I noticed myself always looking at my fingernails, and placing my hands everywhere so that whoever I was talking to could see them. I got a gel manicure so it only lasted a few weeks but it was worth it to me. I may actually do it again, on my own accord.

The ceremony was so sweet. They had this cute little idea to give everyone bells and have them ring the bell, every time the bell was rung the couple had to kiss. They also did this ancient sand ceremony where everyone in their family poured their own portion of sand into one sand jar. It was a symbolism of union and how they are all together as a family now. :) If you know me you would know that I am sometimes a pretty shy person. I don't like doing anything where the attention has to be on me at any point. Well because I was a bridesmaid I had to walk down the aisle. I fretted over it all day long, walking around the guest house with my heels on trying to teach myself how to not fall on my face. It finally gets to the portion where each person of the bridal party has to walk down the aisle, meeting again at the front of the stage. So there I was, I gathered the courage and started to walk and as soon as I turn towards the photographers I slip halfway out of my shoe. The music is playing and all eyes are on me, my face must have been bright red. I completed my clumsy walk, without smiling at the cameras, trying not to cry. At the end, I guess it didn't mess up too bad because the wedding went on without any mention of my accident and it went on flawlessly at that. By the end of the ceremony I didn't feel like I had feet anymore. So the obvious next plan of action was to head to the open bar. I ordered my favorite drink (Sex on the Beach) and my boyfriend drank his Jack and Cokes.

As I mentioned earlier I am pretty shy so once I found out I had to dance I was terrified. After I got a few drinks in me I ended up just fine after all. Tighlor (boyfriend) not being too happy with the fact that I had to dance with the best man, a man that wasn't him. My aunt's British friend kept dragging me and basically everyone else in my family on to the dance floor to flinging us around like rag dolls. It was honestly a lot of fun. I booked a room and we went to bed, woke up, and went to breakfast. It was definitely the best time I've had in awhile. It made me realize that happiness can be found and it is free, you just have to make the best out of every situation. Not every day is a wedding, but there's always something you can do to make it feel like it is.

My very very first post.

Hi! Welcome to my page or however you prefer to categorize it. If I wanted to be more specific I would personally call it a small collection of half of my life. I've had some many blogs in my past, probably since I was about 13 but I never really kept up with them. This page is an effort to actually keep a blog and update it steadily. I feel like it would be a great idea specifically at this particular time in my life because I have so many thoughts running through my head all day and all night! I had a notion last night, while I tossed and turned and (and stressed) about things no one else in the world probably even thinks twice about, that it would feel great to get them all out of my head. Maybe this will give me some breathing room to think about other things and focus on the ever evolving responsibilities of a 23 year old. Maybe once I get my thoughts down then I can meet some people who might even feel the same way I do. I thought, why not, the life of a 23 year old depressed, self conscious, customer service rep from Pittsburgh, PA might be interesting to some people. I always wanted to write. It's another one of those things I wish I would have went to school for instead of what I actually went for.