The Burden

I honestly feel like such a burden to everyone I know and love. Being someone who suffers from depression, I know myself that there's nothing I can do besides try and make a better life for myself and find that happiness that I seem to be missing. There's nothing I can do about how my depression affects the ones I love though and that kills me. I don't mean to be unhappy. I want to love and live and smile and just be generally happy for what I do have but everyday I am faced with what I don't and what I am missing as a person. This especially affects the relationship with my boyfriend. I don't want my unhappiness to rub off on him and today I confirmed that it really is. He is someone who is happy, someone I admire for not letting life bring him down...and I am bringing him down. I don't know what to do about it besides leave him and let him continue to be happy without the burden of me. I am a burden to myself and every one else and I truly don't want to be. But what to do about it? I am sitting here literally racking my brain for a reason as to why I am so deeply sad inside. The main thing that comes to mind is that I am not the person I want to be. I feel like I am failing myself. I have so many dreams, so many goals, and I feel that they are unreachable. No matter how hard I try I don't feel any closer to having the life I really want. I am not the type to give up. I will not let life drown me. I will get up and keep trying because honestly, I want to prevail. I don't want to be another victim.